Another day

Petro and I had a long talk this weekend about all the things that upset me.
I pretty much guilt tripped her about everything I have done for her without her ever having asked for any of it.
If she has no notion about how I feel about her now she never will.
I have tried to replace the place she occupies in my heart with someone else, but all I figured out is that you can't replace someone you love with someone else.
Especially not if the person you love remains in your life.
That love and longing will always come back and sooner rather than later it will destroy any relationship you try to replace it with.
Karen had a chance, but Elzanne never even had a foot in the door.
I think maybe if Karen would give me another real chance and be willing to do more from her side to make it work that we could build something.
Honestly I think this whole thing will only end in disaster...

The truth

So why am I depressed this time?

EVERY running related decision I've made this last year has been 99% influenced by Petro...I decided to do Comrades because of her.
Then she got injured and I knew how she felt about being left out.
So I decided not to run anymore because she couldn't and I would NOT be part of anything that made her feel left out and sad.
I'd rather train with her at a slower pace during her recovery.
My "dream" was to run my first comrades with her and also be there for her tenth finish.
But now I can't be there and because she's decided to make it her last I'll never get to do a comrades with her.
So now I feel left out and she's very much at the centre of the group that's causing it.
I messed up my running so that I could support her during her recovery.
Then she just abandoned me right after the damage was done.
I basically sacrificed my whole season for her...