Sunday, April 28, 2013

I remember you...

Since no one reads this I might as well spill my heart.
I miss you again today, Cynthea.
Just like any other day, just a little bit more than usual on this very moment.
I met somebody that reminded me so much of you.
She isn't tall, she isn't athletic and she is blonde.
Everything you are not.
But just like with you we fought about everything.
Sometimes I wonder whether it's because we are so similar or because she is just like you...
Then I realize both.
I would ask you what to do now that she is gone out of my life, but I know what your answer would be...
You'd smile, smack me upside the head and say that everything happens for a reason.
You'd say that no one leaves any relationship unchanged and that I had to think on what I had learned from it.
All I learned is that life is both too short and too long.
Too short to live down all the mistakes we've made, too short to make it up to the people we love.
But it is also too long.
Too long to live with the suffering we cause on those who love us and we cannot love back.
I realized too late that all you wanted of me was to fight for you.
Now you are gone and I'm alone and the only people I develop feelings for are those that remind me of you...

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Who you really are...

So like most people you wake up on a weekday and you get up and get ready and off to work you go...
But what would you rather do?
You get to work and you greet everyone, including the boss, cheerfully...
I bet you'd probably much rather give them all the finger.
Work starts and like most places the client is always right...
But are they really? Are they right even some of the time?
Finally it is 5 o'clock and you get to head off to home...
If you'd just have stayed in bed originally this move wouldn't be necessary though.
If you're in some relationship the rest of the evening would then probably be spent telling your other half just how much you hate your job and everyone you have to work with...
Pity, fool. 
By the way: how was YOUR day, honey?
You live your whole life by other's rules and you pay for ALL your needs with money you get from some ass you are making rich.
In all this, who you are gets lost somewhere.
The more I try to find who I am the more I realize I hate this whole routine I am stuck in.
I want to get out.
I want to be free.
But most of all I just want to be ME!!!

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Dear diary...

Apparently siri on the iphone is quite helpful when asking questions like "where can I get rid of a body".
S-voice on my samsung isn't quite so helpful.
Question is whether it's because iphone users are more likely to have to get rid of a body or that siri is simply superior...
Which brings me to my next question: should I have waited for the iphone 5?
Thinking about it I guess the frustration involved in me having to live with an iphone would probably have left me with the need to get rid of a body but the samsung is such a pleasure I can't even imagine killing someone.
All joking aside I think Apple, and the world even without knowing it, is a lesser place without Steve Jobs.
He was the one person in the technology sector I really looked up to even though he was the brainchild behind a lot of things I hate.
He was a true visionary.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Money money money

Money makes any job torture.
I'd do just about anything for free just to keep busy if I'd had a trust fund or something to supply me financially.
Think about it.
Nothing you're forced to do, even for money, is ever fun.
And the people that work in some big money position always look down on you.
As if they're any better than you.
With my iq I'm ten points short of being a fucking genius!
Only just failed to pass the mensa iq test.
Still, I'm just short of being amongst the top 5% of all people in the world.
So what if I'm in some dead end job?
I'm smart enough to look for happiness somewhere else than in a big paying job.
Won't find it with a huge salary cheque.
I've realised that a very long time ago.
My soul will always belong to me and me alone...

3 Months with the Samsung Galaxy S3

You know how you always get excited when you first lay your grubby little paws on your new cellphone's box for the first time.
Then after opening, charging and finally get it up and running you realize it isn't quite as great as you thought it would be.
Somehow your imagination of what it would be like is always let down.
The last couple of years the android operating system by google has really exploded onto the scene really making a lot of phones very similar.
True every manufacturer has their own shell but in the end android is android.
So coming from another android phone, the xperia x10, I really wasn't expecting a world of change.
Sure I expected it to be faster, mainly because the x10 was slow as hell.
But the samsung not only beat it conclusively, actually it blew it out of the water, the whole experience was inexplicably better.
Even now I'm still enjoying it as if it was a new phone.
Every day I fall in love with the s3 all over again.
It really is a marvel of engineering.
And it's now an iphone copy.
I hate iphones.
I wouldn't have gone anywhere near it if anything resembled an iphone.
Admittedly the original S was an iphone copy...probably why I never liked it.
So if you can't decide which phone to get I promise you won't be sorry if you get yourself an S3.
Only complaints I've heard of is either contract related or its battery life.
But trust me short of the huge note2 there is no other smartphone with a battery that lasts much longer.
The S3's shortcomings are all common smartphone shortcomings so don't blame it on the S3.


Thursday, January 3, 2013

Keeping the peace.

If ever there was a question I would like answered then it would be how to keep calm when idiots try their utmost to infuriate me.
I know people who have absolutely no hesitation uttering what they can't have any doubt people know are lies and you'd better keep your mouth shut or they'll take you on with everything they've got.
No wonder they rarely leave the safety of their house because they know that elsewhere no one would take their shit.
Atypical case of inferiority complex...but should be infuriating complex.
Actually sad to think that they have few or no true friends and if they do those poor souls are always pushed away in favour of people that would drop them without hesitation.
They always try and force themselves on  the people that have the least value in them precisely because of before mentioned complex.
They have an unsatiable need to proof themselves to those that don't value them.
Like I already mentioned those that do value them get ignored.
It's unfortunately, for them, a game they will NEVER win.
They will always feel inferior and because they push away those that actually care they will always be surrounded by those that don't.
Only cure is for them to realise their issue, but that rarely happens and even if it does it is still a very difficult complex to overcome.
It is always a deeply rooted problem, mostly childhood but can also be due to a trauma.
In some cases a parent with said complex can affect children aswell especially if a single child is highly dependant on the parent.
Even though these people seem to live a normal happy life and it takes a trained eye to recognise the symptoms it's never a easy complex to have to live with.
These people learn to put on a mask to attract the people that feed their needs.
Unfortunately for me I've got a keen eye for reading people.
Tbings like these make me want to shake them and ask them why they can't see what is wrong with them.
They never do and they always think I'm the crazy one.
This is my gift...this is my curse...