Dear diary...

Apparently siri on the iphone is quite helpful when asking questions like "where can I get rid of a body".
S-voice on my samsung isn't quite so helpful.
Question is whether it's because iphone users are more likely to have to get rid of a body or that siri is simply superior...
Which brings me to my next question: should I have waited for the iphone 5?
Thinking about it I guess the frustration involved in me having to live with an iphone would probably have left me with the need to get rid of a body but the samsung is such a pleasure I can't even imagine killing someone.
All joking aside I think Apple, and the world even without knowing it, is a lesser place without Steve Jobs.
He was the one person in the technology sector I really looked up to even though he was the brainchild behind a lot of things I hate.
He was a true visionary.

Money money money

Money makes any job torture.
I'd do just about anything for free just to keep busy if I'd had a trust fund or something to supply me financially.
Think about it.
Nothing you're forced to do, even for money, is ever fun.
And the people that work in some big money position always look down on you.
As if they're any better than you.
With my iq I'm ten points short of being a fucking genius!
Only just failed to pass the mensa iq test.
Still, I'm just short of being amongst the top 5% of all people in the world.
So what if I'm in some dead end job?
I'm smart enough to look for happiness somewhere else than in a big paying job.
Won't find it with a huge salary cheque.
I've realised that a very long time ago.
My soul will always belong to me and me alone...

3 Months with the Samsung Galaxy S3

You know how you always get excited when you first lay your grubby little paws on your new cellphone's box for the first time.
Then after opening, charging and finally get it up and running you realize it isn't quite as great as you thought it would be.
Somehow your imagination of what it would be like is always let down.
The last couple of years the android operating system by google has really exploded onto the scene really making a lot of phones very similar.
True every manufacturer has their own shell but in the end android is android.
So coming from another android phone, the xperia x10, I really wasn't expecting a world of change.
Sure I expected it to be faster, mainly because the x10 was slow as hell.
But the samsung not only beat it conclusively, actually it blew it out of the water, the whole experience was inexplicably better.
Even now I'm still enjoying it as if it was a new phone.
Every day I fall in love with the s3 all over again.
It really is a marvel of engineering.
And it's now an iphone copy.
I hate iphones.
I wouldn't have gone anywhere near it if anything resembled an iphone.
Admittedly the original S was an iphone copy...probably why I never liked it.
So if you can't decide which phone to get I promise you won't be sorry if you get yourself an S3.
Only complaints I've heard of is either contract related or its battery life.
But trust me short of the huge note2 there is no other smartphone with a battery that lasts much longer.
The S3's shortcomings are all common smartphone shortcomings so don't blame it on the S3.

Keeping the peace.

If ever there was a question I would like answered then it would be how to keep calm when idiots try their utmost to infuriate me.
I know people who have absolutely no hesitation uttering what they can't have any doubt people know are lies and you'd better keep your mouth shut or they'll take you on with everything they've got.
No wonder they rarely leave the safety of their house because they know that elsewhere no one would take their shit.
Atypical case of inferiority complex...but should be infuriating complex.
Actually sad to think that they have few or no true friends and if they do those poor souls are always pushed away in favour of people that would drop them without hesitation.
They always try and force themselves on  the people that have the least value in them precisely because of before mentioned complex.
They have an unsatiable need to proof themselves to those that don't value them.
Like I already mentioned those that do value them get ignored.
It's unfortunately, for them, a game they will NEVER win.
They will always feel inferior and because they push away those that actually care they will always be surrounded by those that don't.
Only cure is for them to realise their issue, but that rarely happens and even if it does it is still a very difficult complex to overcome.
It is always a deeply rooted problem, mostly childhood but can also be due to a trauma.
In some cases a parent with said complex can affect children aswell especially if a single child is highly dependant on the parent.
Even though these people seem to live a normal happy life and it takes a trained eye to recognise the symptoms it's never a easy complex to have to live with.
These people learn to put on a mask to attract the people that feed their needs.
Unfortunately for me I've got a keen eye for reading people.
Tbings like these make me want to shake them and ask them why they can't see what is wrong with them.
They never do and they always think I'm the crazy one.
This is my gift...this is my curse...

(Enter title here...)

Writing a book is showing the world your soul...
I've bared my soul, if only to a select handful.
The human mind is a scary place.
Someone else's diary is something you really should never read.
A friend of mine died recently and, for some reason known only by her psychiatric trained mind, she had her last diary delivered to me as part of her will.
I can honestly say I am a changed man, for both better and for worse.
To find out just how much you meant to someone that has just passed away and never having heard it from their own lips always having thought she thought a lot less of me.
Turns out she just believed I was capable of much more and was trying to push me...
I lost the one person I know for sure believed in me.

Seems like the past year everything in my life has been falling apart.
Even though I've made it my new year's resolution to put everyone in-front of myself, and I stuck to it, there has been no reward.
Not that I expected a reward, but life seems to have a sick sense of humor.
Seems it's true that no good deed goes unpunished.
Murphy's law has really had a ball in my life.

Boot against the bottom

I think it is safe to say that there is some heavy public pressure against Heyneke Meyer. And it is for good reason. Even someone unknowledgeable in the fine art of rugby can see that there is something wrong with the springbok team.
Moments of sheer individual brilliance is what has saved us from what could possibly jave been terrible upsets.
A lacklustre performance against Argentina really got the public up in arms and the loss to Australia only served to worsen what was already a hige public outcry against what seemed a planless Meyer.
The performance against the All black was definotely a huge improvement but Im sorry to say that is was in now way due to an improved gameplan.
Rather I think the players took it upon themselves to play their hearts out and make the best of the terrible deal they've been dealt.
In my opinion the team seems to be stuck somewhere in the middle between the Stormers' kick and chase gameplan and the Bulls' forward dominance gameplan.
Maybe I'm biased here but I really believe that the Sharks had the best balanced gameplan amongst the South african conferences. Surely considering the amount of sharks players in the bok team they should rather concentrate on a simmilar gameplan.
A real breath of fresh air was the inclusion of Johan Goosen.
Against the All Blacks I have no doubt that the Boks would have won if the young Goosen had started the game.
Another sore point is the amount of gametime Lamby has had in past weeks.
With Louw and Coetzee on the side of the scrum we really looked a force to be reconned with.
At the moment Duane Vermeulen's match fitness is a bit questionable though.
Maybe Alberts on 8 could be the answer but he doesn't look the player he usually is from the bench.
My biggest concern though is what thinking made Meyer even include Dean Greyling in the side.
If a finger can be pointed against any single player it would surely be him.
In 20 minutes he cost the Boks no less than 4 penalties of which one was a yellow card.
Hopefully Meyer's eyes will open in the following weeks and he will set up a proper, modern gameplan and select players to suite it instead of his unexplainable faith in the Bulls players who couldn't even manage at their own gameplan in this year's Super15.

Psychology...

Being a psychologist or psychiatrist really needs to be all about wanting to help people.
Truth be told all the real good ones get called quacks and the sorts.
People generally don't like hearing the truth and that's why.
Bad ones tell patients exactely what they want to hear and so get lots of credit and are widely loved.
Lies don't help anyone though.
You've got to face a truth and accept it to be able to fix it.
I look at myself and the people in my life.
I'd had to take a hard, honest look at myself to realise all the wrongs in my life.
But I accepted it and I'm doing something to change.
I don't think there is anything harder than changing the very core of who and what you are no matter how little that change.
I've changed, but I had to see a deep inner part of me I never knew existed.
I had to be broken to be able to rebuild who I am.
I had to be weak and vulnerable so that now I can be strong.